I tried to be the good girl
I tried to fit in, although knowing I was different pretty much all my life
I tried to be what my parents would imagine me as a good daughter
I tried to resists my calling and go with a ‘normal’ job
I tried to please everyone and be super considerate of others
I tried to not be too much, too loud, too wild… psssst, to keep it down
I tried to be spiritual, calm, always in control
I tried to talk nice, always smile, be blissful, be grateful, and all that shit
I tried to hide my immense power and light so to not intimidate anyone
I tried to bury my greatness to not appear less strong in front of men
I tried to control my sexuality and keep it down, keep it in check, like a monster I was afraid of really having it’s way
I really did try all of that for most of my life, sometimes more, sometimes less
that’s not me.
I am not the good girl that sits quietly with her legs crossed and keeping the smile going no matter how she feels. What I carry on my heart, I carry on my tongue I carry with all my being.
I talk loud using all my body to express my feelings. I go wild when the music starts go. I can’t stop myself when I start laughing. I love eating with my fingers. I love the absolute sensual experience of whatever I create. I love the sensual feeling of touch. I love meaningful conversations. I feel the Balkans pulsating through my body. I can go deep, I can be super spiritual and I can be earthy, bold and messy.
I am all of that, I am alive, I want to express all of me.